Most of you reading this must have been bullied in your past life or sadly might be getting bullied currently by people who don’t have high self-esteem themselves. Maybe, 80% of you might relate to this. I am not going to rant about the bullies here but simply about my experience and its effects or impact it truly had on me after analysis.
Bullying is something that nobody wants to experience, and it is not a good feeling, I must say. I as a 12-year-old was physically, verbally, and cyberbullied. I was introverted, shy, and reserved. I did not know how to fight back because I believed in kindness. I kept mum usually, but even if I shouted or said anything back as a form of revolt, the bully used to be even harsher with me. Crying was the only thing I used to do when I returned home. I was embarrassed by myself that I could not even stand up for myself. Why? Why was I like this? I tried my best to fight back but it never worked. Some of my classmates, of course, were kind enough to help but the rest were just a bunch of individuals with attitude problems brought up in well-off families, that was the ugly truth. One fine day, my mother finally gave in and called up my class teacher, and the next day, she yelled and reprimanded all of them, so much that they cried and had to publically apologize to me.
Surely, the bullies taught me to be stronger and to fight back, which I will give to them however, the scars that they left on me were undeniable. Gradually, as I grew older and graduated, I began to question my every move when I was in public i.e in college or even in public spaces. I used to question myself why I was doing things, I always felt that there was someone out there looking and laughing at me. I began to have that fear of judgment that I would be ridiculed. Although I am thankful that that never happened, I was blessed to be in an amazing college. Perhaps, I still felt very conscious of myself and was always embarrassed about what I was doing, such as who I was hanging out with, what was I talking about, etc. I even began to feel scared whenever I was alone, loneliness became scary for me, much later I realized that being alone sometimes is not bad.
Recently, I gave time to myself that why was I constantly feeling like this. I realized that I had forgotten to respect myself and give those rights to myself that I am like everyone else, I might be different in my ways as a person and my thinking however, I am smart, and I am a deserving person. I was constantly afraid that other individuals would say something mean. Later, I realized that that ‘school world’ was different, it was sheltered but when you go out there in public, there will be mature, kind, and helpful people who will be willing to do anything for you. I then began to give myself the respect I needed and slowly began to consciously in my mind say to myself that “I am a good human, I deserve everything good in life”.
Gone are those days when I disrespected myself, gone are those days when I would constantly lower myself and have low self-esteem issues. It took me a long time to love myself again. I wasn’t giving myself the love that I deserved. Today, I now know how it is to love myself, and the phrase that ‘you should go and love yourself’. I am proud of myself today that I have come a long way, I have a longer route ahead but I will get there, you’ll see bullies.
Last but not the least, all those struggling out there, even if you are introverted, don’t let that come in the way of loving yourself, and do not lose yourself in the process like how I did. Go ahead, and fight for yourself, I know it isn’t easy but you deserve all the good things, reach out, talk to someone about it, and do not stay quiet. I came across a perfect quote to sum it all up by Benjamin Disraeli ” Courage is fire, Bullying is Smoke”. Do not give up on yourself due to others, keep fighting!