An Open Letter to Sonali Kulkarni,
I am writing this open letter to you in response to your statement that a lot of women in India are ‘lazy’. They just want a husband who has a good job, a house and who gets regular increments. You went on to say further that women don’t have the courage to say what they will do once they get married to their respective spouses.
You asked for everyone to shower you with ‘taliyan’ (claps) for this statement, but unfortunately, we can’t. As a woman, I wish to educate you and tell you that your statements are not only untrue but also very problematic.
Let’s get into facts and figures lest I be judged for being a feminist (which I am very proud of btw). Let’s talk about equality between men and women, as you said. Before that, let’s understand the word ‘feminism’ for the dodos who will come to attack me after they read this letter.
Feminism(noun): The belief that women should have the same rights and opportunities as women.
According to the available data of a survey conducted by the NSS (National Sample Survey) conducted in the year 2017-2018, the literacy rate of women from the age of 15 and above was 70.3% in comparison to the men who had a literacy rate of 84.7%.
Turns out that families are educating their daughters and making them self-sufficient so that they don’t depend on anyone. I hope that makes you happy, isn’t that what you urged people for?
Now looking at these numbers, one would assume that at least 50% of these women would be in the workforce fending for themselves, making money and being independent. However, the numbers for women in the labour force say otherwise.
Women’s participation in the labour force is just 27.2% in comparison to men, whose participation is 78.8%. The 27.2% of women who are working, unfortunately, don’t get paid as much as their male counterparts.
As per the World economic forum, India ranks in almost bottom ten countries when it comes to gender pay equality. The report states that women earn significantly lesser than their male counterparts for the same amount of effort, the same qualification and the same job. I don’t see any equality here! Please do tell me if you do!
A woman’s contribution in the labour force is dependent on so many factors, including family obligations, societal pressure, lack of equal opportunities, and bias against women in general-
Can’t be pregnant– Won’t return to work/ won’t be able to work long hours
Not married– She will get married soon. Will the in-laws and husband allow her to work?
Married– How will she manage her home and work? What about work-life balance?
Just graduated– No work experience. Rather get a man for the job. They are better at grasping things also she will get married someday. How will she sit late hours? Will her parents allow her?
I don’t know if you have ever worked a corporate job but every woman who has and is doing a job has faced these questions at one point or the other in time! Let us not kid ourselves all these questions asked are extremely valid and employers have a point when they raise them!
As much as we deny most women DON’T have a choice! Not everyone comes from a place of privilege! Most women in this country do not have a right to education leave alone the freedom to work.
I don’t think I need to give you examples of how many parents would rather marry their daughter instead of giving her a higher education, how many in-laws would support their daughter in law working and coming late hours or how many women have child support/house help that they can leave their children and concentrate on work.
Let’s not forget that teaching a child, taking care of their needs, cooking meals, taking care of the house in general, buying groceries, laundry, and taking care of in-laws are all a woman’s job. Why not talk about how many men contribute to these day-to-day activities? I don’t say that some men don’t but an alarming number do not.
Now coming back to the women who still overcome all these obstacles and somehow make it to work. Sadly they are not paid as much as men! When majority of their husbands come home and watch television, majority of the women come home to more work! (Please note that I have used ‘majority’. There will always be exceptions).
Women come home to cooking meals, take studies, cleaning, prepare for the next day and do so many chores. I am not getting into the mental load that women carry! Keeping track of everyone’s schedules, remembering birthdays of in-laws and extended family members, planning & organizing meals for the family, running errands, and keeping track of school and extra-curricular activities. I could go on and on!
Do we also want to speak about women in villages who work hand in hand with their male counterparts in fields all day long then come home and cook meals for the family, wash clothes and serve the men? That would require a separate discussion I think!
Adding to the above majority of women, the pregnant ones also keep working. Pregnancy can be particularly stressful for women as they may be treated as liabilities at the workplace. They feel discrimination from employers, difficulty in managing the workload at home, reduced job opportunities and little to no chances of promotion.
Women juggle work and home. Even housewives do an insane amount of work that basically is unappreciated, unaccounted and unnoticed. Calling many of the women in India ‘lazy’ is not only outrageous but hugely problematic.
Most of the wonderful women who do work also pay bills and contribute to the household expenses. Many of them buy their own homes and cars. They would gladly pay 100% of the money to buy a fridge!
The notion that most women are gold diggers is a dangerous stereotype and completely overlooks the fact that women work hard for their money!
As per your logic, though, shouldn’t women be paid instead? If women are expected to contribute towards 50% of the household expenses. Men should be contributing to 50% of the household chores and family responsibilities. Just getting a paycheck home and then lying on the sofa watching television while your wife slogs is not quite equal contribution! Also, as mentioned before, women earn lesser than men so a man’s 50% and a woman’s 50% is not equitable. The only exceptions are a privileged class of women who have high-salaried jobs.
Men tend to do less unpaid work in comparison to women and often ignore household duties. The belief that women should give away half of their income to men without equal participation in household duties is unfair.
Men work for a fixed amount of hours daily, some housewives work double the number of hours. Not everyone is privileged to have house help! They say women marry into a family however, women DON’T marry into a family. They marry a man! The man and woman then start their own family. Expecting women to take care of their in-laws & stay with them is not acceptable if the same set of rules don’t apply for both set of in-laws. If a woman is expected to take care of her in-laws, a man should be ready and available to take care of his in-laws. Can’t have a different set of rules for both!
While you have earned the praises of many men who are lauding you for speaking the truth, you have let many of the ‘Indian women’ down!
Women have come a long way fighting for equality for equal rights and opportunities. If you can’t be a supporter, at least, don’t disregard and disapprove of your own tribe.
We don’t hate our men. In fact, we have high regard for the ones who support us, love us and do so much for the family. Women and men in harmonious marriages often share responsibilities and contribute equally. Contributions don’t always have to be financial. For every man who works late hours, there is a woman in the background handling the home and children so that the man is not burdened with additional responsibilities. At the end of the day, it’s their personal equation, and they make it work.
Every man and woman who’s life have been enriched by hardworking and reliable women needs to stand up for their fellow women and for what is right. Financial decisions in a relationship should be based on mutual agreement, shared responsibilities and realistic parameters, not on gender roles and unrealistic expectations.
Women and men need to work together to create a more equal world and uplift each other instead of pulling the other down. We need to celebrate the strength and hard work of women instead of using a derogatory term like ‘lazy’ for many of the women in India!
Sincerely,
MANY women in India