Holi, the festival that brings everyone together by forgetting the ill will and mistakes of the past, is the festival of forgiveness and different shades of humanity in the form of colors. It is that festival that wants us to celebrate it in togetherness rather than loneliness, but still, my Maa celebrates it alone. Why? You ask; sacrifice I say. Since the day I started walking the grounds, I have forever witnessed my Maa in the same kitchen, doing the same work but with tonnes of it on festivals. When I was just a little girl growing up, that child loved the delicacies her mother cooked and fed. That Dahi Vada, that fruit custard, those sweets, fritters, and what not! I used to love the day not because I got to play with litres of colored water but because Maa made the whole house glow with her warmth. She made everything feasible and possible but what about her? When will she play with colors? Who will feed her? Who’s cooking for her? Why is she not resting but everyone else is? Why is she standing in the kitchen all day long? Why is she cleaning the colors even though she hasn’t touched them?
Questions like such will never end if it comes to talking about the sacrifices my mother has made, and just in name because she is a woman. I still remember the mornings of Holi when, after waking up in the morning, the first thing I used to notice was the sound of the grinder in the kitchen and my mother holding it. The next thing that I used to do as a child was to go inside and touch her feet to seek blessings, and the first thing that she offered were the delicacies she used to make and still makes. after feeding me a bite, she used to ask, “How was it?” Were the spices good? Did you like it? Replying to this question, I always used to say, “Mummy, Tum Iss Baar Bhi Holi Nahi Khelogi?” the very important question, which she used to ignore because of the patriarchal mindset, the very mindset that was imposed upon her, the very same mindset that took away all her joy after marriage.
I ask why?
This year, Holi and Women’s Day are falling on the same day of the calendar. the 8th of March. Why do we celebrate Women’s Day? to celebrate the femininity and divinity that a woman brings to this world and that we should applaud the existence of the being who brings life into this world. Are we even close to celebrating this day if a woman is still thinking that patriarchy is above her own happiness? I asked my mother, “Why?” Why does she not want to play Holi? Why she thinks that its her duty to make everyone happy by sacrificing her own wishes in the way to which she always says, “It’s my duty.” It doesn’t matter whether I like it or not, so I compromised with my situation to make this duty my safe place. I cannot argue because society has been made this way. I don’t know who has made such rules just for women, but I do know that they still exist. And I am thankful that I have taught you differently so that you can question the wrong.
I don’t reside with my mother because of my higher studies, so when I was talking to her today, she asked, “What do you want to eat this Holi?” I will start the grocery shopping accordingly. Seeing her selflessness, I asked myself, “How can someone give away so much?” This lady lives alone with a child, without a husband, and yet she can only think about her duties during this and all the other festivals. But thankfully, I can now break this cycle of patriarchy and the obnoxious thinking it has brought into my mother’s life. I finally told her to stop and think about what she wants; this Holi will be hers. She doesn’t need to do anything alone; rather, we’ll do it together, or cook something together, but she is not compromising her wishes or happiness anymore.
Whenever I start to think about what my Maa has done for our smooth transformation from childhood to adulthood, it’s painfully magical. She drew a drawstring into her life so she could focus on me and the family; she sacrificed her moments so we could live ours to the fullest; she refused to accept what little joy she could get and gave it to us. It’s not just about Holi; it’s about every other day, and it’s about all those 365 days where she made sure that she brought light into our lives.
This story is about my Holi experience but also a lifetime story of sacrifices every woman has made and still makes. We have walked a long path to equality, but do we really have it inside us if my mother and many other ladies are still imprisoned by the weight of misogyny and patriarchy?
Featured image is for representational purposes only.