India is fighting several battles at the judiciary (court) these days to enhance and maintain its rich culture of democracy, diversity, dignity, and freedom. In recent years, the court in India has held up individual freedoms, including striking down a ban on consensual gay sex, granting rights to India’s marginalized transgender community, and declaring privacy as a constitutional right of all Indians. So, the LGBT community in India has a high hope in the recent arguments going on in a case to legalize same-sex marriage in Supreme Court.
I don’t know how long the court will take to reach a decision, but India’s dream to be Vishwa Guru especially when it is hosting the G20 summit for the first time in history to “play an important role by finding pragmatic global solutions for the wellbeing of all (https://g20.mygov.in/)” can be fulfilled if its court gives the verdict in favor of legalizing gay marriage. It would make India a torch bearer for gay rights in Asia, where most countries still ban same-sex marriage. Same-sex marriage is a cry for life, freedom, and dignity. It will strengthen the hope of every Indian in its constitution which gives to its citizen the fundamental rights of freedom – Article 21 which is the Right to life and personal liberty.
I would like to say to the Indian Government that same-sex love is a reality in the country. The LGBT community in India is not minuscule. Rural and Urban India has a huge population of LGBT people. As a gay man, I have interacted in the last few years with several gay men. Most gay men out of fear of unacceptance in the family and society at large, violence towards them especially from their near and dear ones, shame, and guilt (as most of them are not brave enough to accept their truth) do not come out and marry a woman (without any love and disrespecting the institution of marriage) due to pressure from family. After marriage the amount of mental pain, trauma, and depression they go through is paramount.
These pains engulf everyone in the family, especially the wife who is not at fault. I have seen several cases where a gay man married due to family pressure and then came out of the marriage alleging his wife of all kinds of false allegations and ultimately file for divorce. The whole life of many such men goes into strategizing to win the divorce cases and on the other hand lawyers of wives suggesting them to charge their in-laws with false cases and milking out a good amount of alimony. I have seen men getting married a second time (after the divorce) with less empowered women (so that they can control their wives) only to prove themselves straight and then through gay dating sites meet men and enjoy their sexual pleasure. Does the Indian Government which thinks itself a protector of Indian culture understands the impact on the Indian family? Do they understand that they are actually closing their eyes in spite of knowing it?
The present government of India which wants to protect the culture of India is actually allowing to make marriage to be irrelevant. What it is doing will ultimately make the institution of marriage sink down one day deep and never revive. Is this the society the present government of India wants? Is this culture of disloyalty they want to promote by keeping their eyes closed?
Indian parliament did not pass the women’s reservation bill pending for so long, and the solicitor general is giving hope that parliament should be given authority to pass the bill on Gay Marriage. Most of the MPs are of a patriarchal mindset. Very few of them really understand the difference between sex and gender. They also do not understand the concept of gender identity, gender expression, and sexual orientation. I trust the jurisprudence of the Supreme Court and have more hope in the judiciary than the legislative for this particular case of same-sex marriage.
Having said this, I have a few reflective questions for the larger community, basically the three major systems in India – the family, the education, and the religious systems. When will they change their outlook, perception, and interpretations to enhance/change the socialization process to accept gay marriage? Today most young gay men are scared or/and blind towards accepting their own sexual orientation and thereby knowingly destroying the institution of marriage by being disloyal to their wives, telling lies to their parents, and above all insulting the religious mantras of marriage. When will these three systems really reflect and work on it? These systems are not in the air, we all are prominent members of these systems. We need to reflect.
One gay man when forced to marry a woman decided to confess to his mother (one who will understand and protect her son) that he is gay and that she should cancel the marriage. The prompt reaction of his mother was that now when he has confessed to her, the son should get into this matrimony and prove that her womb is sacrosanct. This gay man was forced to marry and then the ugly legal battle that the whole family went through was not at all sacrosanct. Our mothers and fathers find problems with heterosexual marriage then how can I hope that they will accept same-sex marriage? Most of our religious leaders, you like it or not are very less educated on social issues. They read and interpret religious teachings from their very narrow mindset. They don’t even understand the difference between sex and gender. What can we expect from them? The education system is totally gender-blind. Our films shout the glory of heterosexuality so much that many gay men think that their orientation is just for fun and pleasure, and ultimately they need to marry a woman. Nowadays very few films have good picturization and articulation of gay relationships.
At this moment the battle is at the highest platform of the Indian Judiciary. At least a few of us who are empowered will get some breath to live a happy married life. But how much we will be accepted by our family and society we don’t know. How many of our families will really organize marriage for their LGBT child? How many religious matchmakers will be contacted to help the Indian family in finding a good match for their son/daughter for same-sex marriage? All these data need to be collected, analyzed and shared constantly with these three systems mentioned above to bring change in their thoughts. These three systems need to change.
Above all, I shout out to all gay men and lesbian women to come out in hundreds and thousands. It’s not about your parents, it’s not about your friends, it’s not about your religion. It’s not about anything. It’s about the human being. It’s about human rights. If you don’t come out today, then history will remember you as a coward, selfish, and a liar. Accept that you are all scared to come out. Accept that you all are cowards. Heterosexuals in our country have accepted us. They have loved us, and more will love us. They are fighting for us in court, parliament, family space, and religious places. We don’t need to fear. We need to be proud and come out as gay. I tell you if you don’t come out you will be blamed when pages of same-sex marriage struggle will be read in the history books. In this patriarchal world, let gay men play an important role to come out with dignity and accept themselves.