Kerala has a huge respect for diversity. It values and welcomes the traditional essence of every religion.As per Census 2011, 56 percent of the state’s residents are Hindus, 24 percent are Muslims, 19 percent are Christians, and the remaining 1 percent follow other religions including Sikhism, Jainism, Buddhism and Judaism. People celebrate festivals together in streets and homes.
While all of the above is true, there is one thing in my opinion that runs against the grain of progress in ‘God’s Own Country’. It is the role of religious institutions in curtailing women’s choice. From education to marriage, religious institutions still influence and dominate the life and decision making process of many girls in Kerala – and not in a positive way.
As a resident of the state, and being a girl myself, I have been observing this around me for years now. To ensure that this was just not a thing in my head, I decided to discuss this with my neighbours in Kollam district in Kerala, Akshaya and Kesiya. Akshaya is a 17-year-old humanities student and she finds it disturbing when her classmates are forced to get married at a young age with religious beliefs playing a key role in the same.
She recalls, for example, stories of some of her classmates from extremely conservative religious family backgrounds (these girls are Muslim) who started receiving marriage proposals at the age of 16 and 17. “They received a lot of marriage proposals ; some got fixed, others got canceled,” she tells me.
While she believes that early marriage can destroy a girl’s future, she says that the girls’ parents believe they will be more disciplined if they are married off sooner by following religious tradition.
“Our society gives more importance to men, and in homes daughters have less voice compared to sons. Our voices will be valued only if we are financially independent, in fact sometimes it is unheard too,” Akshaya tells me.
How Religious Influences, Astrology Force Choices On Women
Kesiya also talks about how religious beliefs discriminate against women in choices. She talks about her neighbor- a Muslim girl who is being forced by her family members to get married at an early age.
“The girl is getting married to an older man. No choice has been given to her. Whether it is inter-caste marriage or marriage from the same caste,the most important thing is the partner. If he turns out to be toxic, what’s the point of continuing in a relationship?, she questions.
Kesiya also tells me about another classmate of hers who is getting married at 18. “Not her, an Usthad is deciding her future in the matter, with consent from her parents,” she says. I asked Kesiya if I could contact the girl to ask her what her views on her marriage were. “Don’t try to contact her, her parents will kill her. She is not allowed to even take a phone call, to stand outside her home by herself,” I was told.
“The same is true for many girls in the state from SC/ST backgrounds,” she told me.
“Many SC/ST girl students around us are not aware about the educational opportunities.They are getting married at a young age. I know one such classmate who got a marriage proposal, fixed by her family at the age of 16. Later, the marriage was canceled due to ‘secret’ reasons. She rarely comes to classes, though,” she says.
Kesiya and Akshaya are opposed to early marriages though because they say it increases the chances of domestic violence, dowry and lack of self independence. “Girls are less aware about grabbing educational opportunities. For boys too, this is harmful. However, when we voice out these concerns, people around us advice us to not say these things. The truth is in front of our eyes though – orthodox religious beliefs set limiting choices for girls. They tell us not to be opinionated and not to question,” says Akshaya.
Astrology, too, plays a big part in certain areas in Kerala with respect to marriage.
In Kerala, families are also known to follow astrological traditions to decide when a girl must marry, with the final decision taken about a girl’s marriage based on horoscope prediction.
Matching of horoscopes or Jathaka Porutham is a belief that cuts across all strata of Kerala society with women from even progressive families, well into their 30s, following this.
Not just marriage choices, religious influence sometimes also dictates where girls study
The most unacceptable part is church priests asking girls to study in christian management schools and colleges, something I have seen with my own eyes. They visit homes and tell girls and their family to choose management quota even if they have merit scores.
Religion indirectly decides where a girl needs to study. I remember two incidents in relation to this. One relates to me when a priest came to my home and suggested I take a course in a Christian management college after class 12. He said that, since the college is headed by a religious head, I would be a disciplined girl.
Another incident happened with one of my close relatives. Her daughter is about to join a college after securing high grades in class XII. She told me to suggest a college for her daughter. When I suggested my college’s name, which is an aided college under Ezhava management, she was shocked and told me that her daughter couldn’t study there, because she was a Christian. “It is absolutely unfair for her if she mingles with students from lower caste communities,” she said.
Such conservative beliefs related to women’s space not only have an impact on their present, but also their future. “I want to come out from my home and study outside Kerala. But everyone around me is setting up limits, they fear that I may become bossy and opinionated. Sometimes I feel that I’m limited to this space, which makes me unmotivated,” Kesiya tells me.
“There are many girls like me who need to beg their parents to take up a higher education course to study outside Kerala. This will usually be accepted by parents if a boy asks, but usually girls have less freedom of choice. Career selection for girls is a point of discussion for everyone,” she adds.
Religion vs Women’s Choice
There is always an unbalancing relation between religious beliefs and women’s rights. Women who criticize or question belief systems hence become enemies of religious superiors. In September 2018, a five judge bench of the Supreme Court allowed the entry of women of all ages in Sabarimala, a Shree Dharma Sastha temple dedicated to Lord Ayyappa. During this time a large number of devotees assembled outside the shrine and prevented the entry of women. Opposition parties slut shamed Bindhu Ammini and Kanaka Durga,women who entered Sabarimala followed by the Supreme Court verdict that lifted the ban on women in menstruating age from visiting the temple.
It is sad that just how strongly religion tries to control girls in our state only comes out as a topic of discussion in the mainstream through this one prism, even as girls face discrimination due to religion in so many aspects. The sad part is that even if girls are educated the religious belief system still controls her and prevents her from doing the things she wants. When it comes to Christianity, you hardly see any female priests guiding church customs. Church authority in Kerala is mainly dominated by men.
An interesting case in this regard is that of Sister Lucy Kalappurakkal, who took on the church’s patriarchy head on. A former nun in Kerala, Kalappurakkal previously belonged to Franciscan Clarist congregation in Mananthavady, Wayanad. She is famous for her fight against the rape accused Jalandhar Bishop Franco Mulakkal and has been continuously raising voice against the patriarchy ingrained in church. She never failed to consistently speak about the harassment faced by nuns in Church convents.
In 2019, she was expelled by Franciscan Clarist Congregation, as she participated in the protests against the rape accused Bhishop. FCC sought explanation from Lucy for her lifestyle and she got criticized. According to the church, Lucy was violating church rules by learning to drive a car, buying it, Publishing poetry and extending her solidarity for rape survivor. Lucy Kalappurakkal is now pursuing law for assuring social justice to the nuns and for the women whose opinion has been silenced by patriarchy.
Such a grip stems from the belief that ‘Religion is everything’. And while no one is undermining the importance of religion, I think the patriarchal beliefs of religious institutions that disallow women to decide their future and space are definitely to be blamed. Dogmatic religion refuses to give any progressive space to women. It tries to set a boundary for young girls. Let us keep it away from girls’ choices.