A big Hi from a group of Millennial Moms.
When we embraced motherhood, we were constantly told about how Mothers need to make sacrifices in order to be good Mothers. Having gone through Post Partum Depression myself, I felt that all my actions were reflected in my child. Anything and everything that my child does wrong is because of me. Then I started blogging and connected with similar mothers who were also going through the same.
We were raised to be fiercely independent, physically, mentally, financially, and emotionally and this sudden change of every other person telling you, that you have to be dependent on your child for everything made us frustrated. We were raised to own decisions.
A 5-minute extra nap, eating the last piece of your favourite sweet dish wearing your most comfortable PJ’s walking around with a messy bun or applying that lipstick perfectly, we have been shamed for almost everything. Society literally feels that sometimes, becoming a mother gives them a free license to judge us.
If we share our problems and challenges with our elders for suggestions, we are often told that during their times, they did not have an option, unlike us. Our tolerance level is very low, and so what is the need to opt for certain things; or that we have been given too much freedom by our spouses, and the list goes on and on? Ultimately, most of the time, the problem remains unresolved, and the person carries the trauma until they can pass the same to the next generation.
We are taught that sacrifice is the only way to be a good mother and that doing something for yourself is selfish.
How we recently broke the generational trauma for ourselves
A couple of days ago, along with a few other mothers, I performed at the Annual Day function of the school. It was a random thought put into action. Trust me, the challenges faced by all of us were more or less the same. Some challenges, like body pain, because we were going to dance after a gap of 10 to 15 years, were something expected. But the biggest challenge that I personally faced was developing cold feet, stage fear, and not being able to remember the steps due to the same.
We are always told that once you have children, you have to forget your dreams and your passion. You are told that you can always pursue them when your children grow up, but nobody tells you that along with time, the set of challenges will always change. Two years down the line, my children will definitely be more independent. Simultaneously, there a 99 % chance that in the next two years, I may develop a physical ailment. My body is definitely not turning younger, and facing age-related health issues is always going to pop up. The frustration in my mind is going to pile up, and then I will end up blaming everyone around me.
In the last week, even though we all met only for 2 hours, the freshness and the energy that we experienced was more than what an expensive vacation would have given me. Yes, we had to juggle our lives between preparing for our children’s costumes and our dance, ensuring that everyone was well-fed at home. (I had just recovered from conjunctivitis, and the remaining members of my family were undergoing the same). But those 2 hours just made me forget everything, it was like doing something for myself. As Shah Rukh Khan said in Chak De India in his famous 70-minute speech – those 70 minutes were mine, and nobody could take it from me. As much as it was physically stressful for me in the initial days, it was equally mentally relaxing for me.
It may seem like not a big deal for some, but with this small step, we 10 women have taken the first step to ensure that we do not tell our grandchildren about how cool we were. We will show these videos to them and show that despite all the problems, we prioritised our passion while balancing our responsibilities. Mothers do not need to sacrifice, they just need to prioritize and blend their passion, career, and family while not forgetting about themselves.
No matter what you do, either way, people are going to judge you, so why bother….
Jaa Simran Jaa… Jee le apni Zindagi.