I was scrolling reels the other day and found this video of a girl talking about finding love when you are 30. I realised that the experiences she was sharing were so relevant and true. It hit me that every guy I have met in my life had one or the other trait from the ones she mentioned.
So, men are wired in a very different manner due to the conditioning of the society and they behave in similar patterns, if not approaches, with women. Mostly women are blamed that they are the reasons men behave in such a manner or women in general are very demanding etc. But after reading the book – One of the Good Guys – I now understand that these claims are nothing but gaslighting from society.
The book ‘One of the Good Guys’ by Araminta Hall is an excellent piece of writing, and you would not believe from the title that the book deals with the issue of violence inflicted on women. Not only from the title, but the whole of the first part of the book, you are in two minds of where the plot of the book is heading.
But the writing is so intriguing that you are pulled into the lives of the characters and their psychology. And you are so full of ideas about what is in store for the readers that when you read the second part, you are more than shocked at what the characters had made you believe earlier.
The book initially reads like a psychological thriller, where the readers get the mental point of views of the characters. The book is divided into three parts and all the three prime characters – Cole, Mel and Lennie – get justice to show the readers their views and their side of the story.
The incidences are very clearly explained and the readers get a sneak peak at the way every character thinks and reacts to a particular situation. The style of writing is so wittily used by the writer to create an understanding of the theme of the book that the readers are unknowingly getting educated on the basics and patterns of gaslighting and violence against women in the society.
Here, I think there is a need to highlight a very important aspect of violence. We always imagine violence against women as physical or sexual assaults. But it is not limited to just that. The mental and emotional violence or harassment towards women usually go unaccounted for and is never registered as violence in fact.
IPC also recognises psychological and emotional abuse at home as domestic violence. The book very aptly highlights all the aspects of violence and in detail makes the readers understand the exact behaviour of men which causes emotional and psychological violence towards women in their house.
Another aspect of this is gaslighting. The term has become very trendy nowadays with the spreading of awareness about mental health. The other day I was having an argument with my mom and brother about why I am not very confident about my decisions. I recalled a story about two frogs who fell in a vessel of cream or something.
One was deaf and the other could hear the frogs outside saying that they were going to drown in the cream. The one who heard all the negative comments about itself eventually gave up and died. But the ones who couldn’t kept struggling and got out. The actual moral of this story is that you can be gaslighted into thinking that you are incapable by your own peers.
So, coming back to my confidence, I have been, for most of my life, been told that I am incapable of handling my finances, deciding my career and making even good friends. And it should not be a shock that I live with self-doubt and low self-esteem. The story of Cole and Mel is no different. But the only secret is who is gaslighting whom, you will have to read to understand, as both of them have their explanations on why they behave in a particular manner.
Talking about violence against women, the book talks about so many news and efforts of solidarity happening in the society. While reading the book, I could picture similar incidents from my own life or from the lives of women I know, and somewhere I felt my blood boiling that violence in every form still persists. The gaslighting and emotional torture women go through every single day of their lives by the men in the society has now become a part of our lives that we don’t even question. The book made me think about how much work still remains to be done in this sector and men are still clueless about things.
One of the most perfect things about the book is its title – One of the Good Guys. It is an ambiguous title and the cover very well complements it. With the title, you would be intrigued in picking up the book no matter what gender or sex you identify with. I have reason to bring up sex or gender and choices of a reader or audience. So last year, a bunch of women-centric films were released in India – like Barbie, Thank You For Coming, Sukhee, Mrs. Undercover, Dhak Dhak, Baipan Bhari Deva, Jhimma 2 etc.
How many men watched these movies is a big question. The reason for it was that they were assumed to be made for women, when technically they are made for men. Just because of the title, poster or lead cast being women, they are side-lined by men as made for women. All these movies highlight the problems and issues women face in their day-to-day life because of the existing patriarchy giving rise to sexism and misogyny.
Now my question is that we as women are already aware of our issues, isn’t it the men’s turn to now understand and change? So, aren’t men the ones who should be reading and watching such content? These movies actually help to understand women much better, and then men end up saying that women are complicated and don’t even want to take the effort to try and understand them.
One of the Good Guys is an amazing read apart from themes too. The ending which initially seems very disheartening, is closed in such a wonderful manner that I had tears in my eyes for what the character of Lennie could do or to be more specific, create. The plot is designed in such a manner that you enjoy every aspect of it – the initial storyline, the thriller part, the relationships and when everything falls in place, the result of all the actions undertaken by the characters. It is one of the few books that I don’t want to go into details as it is an experience in itself and must not be spoiled with the revelations of any details. Finally,
It is a must-read for everyone!
The book has been published by Pan Macmillan.