October 31 2020
The results are out. I knew I was not going to make it. It was after I was told about the results that I remembered about my dream the night before. Something I had almost forgotten about.
I started my journey of preparation after leaving University in May 2019 from the position of a teaching fellow. I wanted to pursue my dream job of becoming an IAS Officer and also had to get married. I felt like it was the right time.
It was announced that the exam had been postponed for a good period. I felt confident that now I would be able to complete everything and to my surprise, I did. My practice towards keeping myself focused while studying became my behaviour, which is a part of the process.
I kept revising all the subjects, current affairs, last years' papers and felt a little confident. But I did lack in writing mocks under a time limit. I did many but not under time constraints. And this is what that made me learn one of the other most important skills - to decide ‘right’ under pressure.
In the exam hall, I faltered in the concepts I knew really well. It was my lack of marking ‘right’ under pressure. Either you remain calm, decide calmly, and are fast with your decision or you try to remain calm, make your decision but it's not the ‘right’ decision under pressure.
I had lost and due to my upper age limit, I could not write the next exam. I did learn the approach and strategy but I was late. I am late but I know I haven’t lost it. If I look back, I have only gained. I have not just gained knowledge through different subjects