November 3 2022
School and life. As a science student it feels weird to see these two words in the same sentence. I get it, it sounds stereotypical and not all science students feel this way, but trust me a good amount us do feel this way and it's sad at best.
There's no time to 'like' and 'enjoy' studies anymore, because if I do that I'd be left behind and crumpled into a ball of self-pity and suffocation.
I look at the people around me, they know what they are doing and what they will be doing, and that, scares me even more. It makes me jealous and insecure.
Others will think I'm an idiot for giving up on these opportunities and I might regret this in the future, so maybe... I should just endure it all. I take it all because there's no other option now.
I feel like I'm just surviving. I'm tensed and irritable, scared and sad. I want to live too, I want to have fun, to enjoy with friends and watch movies with my family.
'What ifs' that haunt me every night. I study and study only to end up tired and overwhelmed because the what ifs stay. What if this is not the right career path for me? What if I end up as a failure? What if all this hardwork results in regret? What if...