Control over their own futures, over their own bodies has been something that patriarchy has perpetually denied women, all over the world. But in a country like India, the prevalence of customs like triple talaq and forced arranged marriages means, that even to this day, personal liberty is a distant dream for many women.
There are many examples of how a woman can go against the constraints set by society, struggle, and become highly accomplished in her chosen field – only to be forced back into submissive domesticity. There are many practical considerations that women who wish to take charge of their own destinies must consider – pressure from parents, compounded by anxiety about their future; as well as the stigma of society.
And so, this Twitter stream from a man sharing the harrowing and heart-wrenching story of his friend should hit very close to home. It does, however, end with a very important message that it’s high time to consider.
Something’s been pinching me for some days now. Thought of letting it out of my system by sharing it here. Here goes…….
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
There was this girl in my school, back in 90’s. Brilliant, studious, hard working, very confident, a topper, a debater, a class prefect….
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
We were class fellows. She was the kind of girl with whom boys talked after rehearsing. Despite mad competition between us, we were friends.
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
I guess the proudest moments of my school and college life were whenever I scored better than her in exams. Couldn’t beat her in confidence
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
We both chose engineering after college and graduated. I chose to work in an industry and she chose to pursue Masters in engineering.
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
Later, she joined one of the best universities of the country as a lecturer in Engineering. That’s when her parents decided to marry her off
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
An arranged marriage in a well off family meant that she had to quit job & live as a house wife. This wasn’t all, guy was a college dropout.
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
She resisted as much as she could. But after sometime, she agreed to everything saying, “my parents are too old& scared of me being single”.
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
Parents, too old and too scared. That was the reason for this brilliant girl to give up all her dreams, her ego and her career.
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
The guy was nearly an uneducated, spoiled brat of a business family who couldn’t stomach a woman having an education, or an opinion, or ego.
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
In no time after her wedding she realized that he was verbally and physically abusive and his family supported and encouraged all this.
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
But she kept quiet in the face of all abuse because her parents were too old and too scared.
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
She had no money to spend on herself and her husband never bothered to give her a penny. She had already quit her job. So there was no way.
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
Very recently she texted me that her husband had beaten her and given her talaaq twice and if after two times talaaq she could live with him
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
Shocked, I asked why would she live with a man so abusive and so insulting.
Her reply was, “My parents are too old…. sick and scared.”— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
Girls! Your parents love you. But one day, they will be old, sick and scared. DO NOT QUIT YOUR CAREER FOR MARRIAGE.
Earn you own money.— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
It does not matter if you’re thirty or thirty five, do not marry, I say DO NOT MARRY a man you feel is unsuitable for you.
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
Parents! One day, you will be old, sick and scared. Please raise your daughters as persons and not as commodity. Let them work and earn.
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
Teach your girls to live on their own and never depend on a man for their survival. Do not force them to marry if there is no compatibility.
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
Parents! Don’t panic if your girl is in 30’s & single. Let her pursue her dreams. Don’t blackmail your girl for marriage. This isn’t love.
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
Girls! Do not be blackmailed in the name of family, honor or parents. You are the ones who have to live with the man, YOU decide.
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
Parents! Teach your sons to respect women. Teach them that they’re marrying a human being and they’re equals. Let your daughter-in-law work.
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017
Girls! It’s great to have a loving and caring life partner. But if love and care is not there, walk away. Have means and money to walk away.
— Usman Ghani (@UGpk) February 15, 2017