When we were kids, we used to live life worrying very little. There was a lot to enjoy and a lot to be happy about. We cried the first time we went to school but returned happily with a smile. Back then, everyone would ask, “Beta, bade hokar kya banoge (Child, what will you become when you grow up)?” And we used to reply with ‘pilot, ‘doctor’ and so on. At the time, it used to feel like I was answering a very big question but children rarely know what they want to do and what they will actually end up doing. Then, time passes.
Days turn into nights, and friends into family. School (probably the best part of life) ends.
Then, if you had opted for maths, you did engineering, or if you had picked biology, you did medicine. But that’s not an easy task.
Meanwhile, we all have a secret dream, based on what we loved doing when we were growing up. I was very good at mimicry in school and I was the boy in my class who made everyone laugh.
But in a middle-class family, you can’t just do whatever you want. There are comparisons waiting to be made, such as: “Fala ka ladka aaj kitna achha kama raha hai (So and so’s son is earning so much today).” And even if you don’t want to do something, firstly, it’s hard to say no and secondly, you fear that you may not be successful. “Chalo sun hi leta hoon. Kar lete hain preparation, hua to thik hai, nahin to mana kar doonga (Let me listen to them. Let me prepare – if it works, then great, otherwise I’ll refuse).”
And you go out from your home for the first time. Your aim was to study, that’s what you went there for. But the freedom feels so intoxicating, you feel like experiencing it first. You think you have plenty of time and just like that, a year passes by. You sat for your exams but since you didn’t prepare, you fail. And now that you have failed, you think about facing your parents. So you can’t even talk to your own parents now because they thought that you worked hard but you just wasted time.
You decide to give it another chance and pass this time. But still, you’re not confident enough. You start studying but you don’t have a roadmap, you’re just walking. And you repeat the same result – you fail again, but this time with slightly better marks. No matter how much you cry, things aren’t going to get better. You feel like cursing yourself, thinking you studied but still didn’t pass – what could be wrong? You cry over the phone to your parents. And no parent can see their child crying.
There’s a quote which I personally love a lot: “Manzil to mil hi jayegi bhatak kar hi sahi, gumrah to woh hain jo ghar se nikle hi nahi (Destinations will be found even after wandering, lost are those who never stepped out of their homes in the first place).”
I have the roadmap – now I’m walking on it. I’m dealing with difficulties but I hope I’ll reach my destination now. It’s my dream now to be a doctor, and I will make it. Here are the last few lines I’d like to add:
Mann ki baatein ek ahsas h inhe bahne do
Bas rokna na mujhe bas aaj mujhe chalne do.
(Words of the heart are a feeling, let them flow
Just don’t stop me, let me walk.)