I was a normal man battling life like everyone else. I have been in a relationship only once when I was in my late teens and had literally no understanding of what love and relationships meant. After I broke up with my girlfriend, I found another girl online when I was 20. We met only twice and then, well I don’t want to talk about what happened next. Life went on and I was convinced that either I am a guy who is incapable of love or the kind of love we see in movies, daily soaps, advertisements, doesn’t really exist. I gave up my habit of watching pornography, although I wasn’t much into it ever, but I still took a sneak peek every now and then. I also made a promise to myself to change my physique. All was going well; but destiny had other plans. I joined a regional news channel and my whole life went upside down. There is a girl in my office who makes me feel the way I have never felt. I will not be able to express that feeling in words. It’s just inexplicable. I tried hard not to think about her too much, but little did I know that my soul had already been lost to her. She doesn’t let me sleep, yet I feel absolutely no fatigue going into office after only two hours of sleep. I feel no heat when the sun is shining at 40° and I felt no pangs of thirst even when I fasted this Ramdan. She is all I think about. She is all I want, but most importantly she is all I need. I know this sounds all Bollywood and ridiculous because I haven’t met her privately, the only thing I know about her is her name and well, that’s it. But there is something about her that is drawing me towards her. It could be her face—because as far as I am concerned, she is the most beautiful girl on the planet right now. It could also be her personality, considering that she is a journalist. Maybe I’m sensing a magnetic attraction towards her behaviour because she is very friendly with her co-workers. Whatever it is I haven’t figured it out yet, but what I do know is that while I am describing her, I feel an odd sensation in my stomach, my hands are shaking, my heart is thumping so fast that it might jump right out of my chest, and my mind is continuously painting her image.
Earlier, when I would listen to others narrating similar experiences, I would go, “He is an idiot”. But now the same bolt of lightening has struck me, I fell flat on my back and am unable to get up. I don’t know if this is really love or I am just attracted to a wonderful human being. But these feelings of mine have generated some questions in my mind. Am I the only one to be feeling like this? Am I alone in my confusion? I think maybe not. Most people who feel like me often hide their feelings all their life and that is something that scares me more than death. I also realise that this could lead to a lot of failed or unhappy marriages, which have become quite the norm these days. I often hear people say things like “Both of them are nice, I don’t understand why they are fighting” or “Ladki acchi hai phir bhi uski kadar nahi”. It’s because they don’t love each other. Love is not something that you can create. It just happens. In our society, relationships are hard for everyone to appreciate, even our parents and friends. We have not been taught to choose partners or how to live with a partner once you have chosen them. Caste is also a very big issue when it comes to love. But whatever may be in store for me in the future; I just love what I am feeling right now. Without even talking to me, this woman has made me realise hidden aspects of my personality; I urge all of you who are in love or are looking for love or have failed in love. Don’t lose hope in love. Even if love is one sided, it has the power to change you and your life. And who knows, you might get lucky! Don’t expect to be loved in return. Just pour yourself into this experience and enjoy every moment of it.