Toxic People: 10 Ways Of Dealing With People Who Make Your Life Miserable, a book published by Dr Lillian Glass in 1995, defines toxic relationships as:
“Any relationship between people who don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there’s competition, where there’s disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness.”
It is a well-known fact that no relationship is always all cosy and nice. There are conflicts, differences of opinions and even disagreements on insignificant issues. But a healthy relationship will come out stronger and more understanding than ever. However, this is not always the case. To be clear, a toxic relationship is not always a romantic relationship, but also a relationship between a parent and child, two friends or even one between professionals.
What Is The Root Of Toxicity?
Surveys show that people who are in a toxic relationship are likely to have gone through childhood trauma. This may be the loss of a parent at a young age, which can create separation anxiety and an over-possessive nature. The controlling behaviour of a partner might get instilled in them by their controlling parents.
While we know that any kind of toxicity is wrong and mustn’t be accepted, we should also realise that the other person has a story of their own and their own struggles.
How To Identify A Toxic Relationship?
Toxic relationships can be identified through the little things over a period of time, some of which are listed below:
- Lack of interest in your everyday activities
- Lack of communication
- Constant stress and tension
- Losing your own self in the process of making them happy
- Ignoring your physical and emotional needs
- Over-controlling behaviour of the other partner
- Lack of appreciation for each other
- You being the only one putting in efforts
- Constant guilt
- Verbal or physical abuse (you know it’s over there)
What Can You Do About It?
While it’s not impossible for toxic relationships to go back to being healthy, it takes a lot of effort and understanding. The bottom line is that it wouldn’t have been as exhausting and toxic in the first place if there were true love involved. You may attempt to turn it into a healthy relationship and it may seem all good for a while, but it may go back to being toxic.
To make a permanent shift requires the efforts, time and involvement of both partners. Here are some things that you can try.
- The most important step to start with is sitting together and analysing the problem, or problems, in the relationship and whether or not they can be fixed.
- The second step is to analyse whether you and your partner think about the relationship in the same way and have the same goals for the relationship.
- Take a break, maybe go on a solo vacation or spend some time with your family. The point is to have some time away, and explore yourself and your aspirations. You both should have some privacy and space. It works out best to know whether you actually want to go back or you can be as happy in your relationships as you are with your own self, family or friends.
- You may also seek some professional help. Check out relationship counsellors near you and make an appointment to see things in a clearer perspective.
- Stop expecting your partner to change overnight. Working on oneself requires a lot of time and is not a linear process. Instead, also try to make changes in yourself, your behaviour and your habits.
- Lastly don’t ignore the upcoming red flags while you’re working on your relationship.
If nothing’s changing, you may want to consider separating ways. A toxic partner may emotionally drain you and more often than not, it may reflect on your physical health. It is better to get out of it and bear the pain for a while rather than staying with them and getting emotionally exhausted and drained out. It is better to separate the ways in most cases.
Hoping the best for you. Have a great day!
Love 🙂