Being a wallflower, according to Merriam-Webster, means someone who, from shyness or unpopularity, remains on the sidelines of social activity (such as dance); in other words, a shy or reserved person.
There is a very beautiful movie that has this term, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and it is one of my beloved movies. The movie is based on an introverted, reserved character Charlie, who is like a wallflower. I liked this movie not only because it is a good movie, but also because somehow, it relates to me as a person.
I always knew I am an introvert, or even reserved. And I felt ashamed about it for many years while growing up. Because usually in society, an introverted or shy person is often neglected or sidelined. It’s hard for them to make friends, get ahead in school or college, work on group projects or debate. I remember how hard it was for me to make new friends during my school and college days.
Later, over time as I gained maturity, I could cope with this limitation and make friends, but still, I would fail to maintain friendships over a long period of time. Just like Charlie, I also rarely dared to raise my hands in the class to answer a question asked by a teacher, even though I knew the answer. I used to wait for someone else to raise their hands and thus avoid becoming the centre of attention; because for introverts like me, the most dreaded thing is being under the limelight.
I used to blame myself for being fearful in those days. But only later did I realise that it’s not really fear but something else that has to do with my introverted personality type. And the most important thing I learnt quite late is the wisdom that it is okay to be introverted. That it is okay to stay away from the centre of attention.
Not everyone needs to be on the stage. If everyone decides to perform on the stage, then who will be the audience? And it is important to accept that it’s perfectly okay to be a part of the audience. Because only those who have the gift to appreciate the talent of others can become the perfect audience. And introverts possess this gift; they can value art and aesthetics, and the talent of others.
That’s why Wes Fesler says:
Unfortunately, society often respects and admires only the extroverted ones. That’s why society often ‘judges the book by its cover’ most of the time. Even worse is the fact that introverts and wallflowers are criticised for their reticence or shy nature. This leads to unnecessary pressure for introverts to come out even though they might not be comfortable. In fact, we see that many careers and life situations do not always need people to be in the limelight or maintain public relations.
If Newton or Einstein had been forced to get out of their house/lab and follow a more socially accepted career, would science as we see today have progressed without them? I agree that some people are natural showmen or salespersons, and have a successful life and career in public relations, marketing or TV anchoring. But not everyone wants to be like that. Some people are happier spending their life in a lab doing some research, or writing and designing as a solitary activity.
All they expect from society is to stop labelling them as a social stigma. It is strange to see the same society eulogise and romanticise some of the highly introverted personalities including Isaac Newton, Sherlock Holmes and more recently Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory.
Finally, though it has been many years since this movie got released, somehow, it still feels so relevant and alive even today. This movie highlights the fact that there is no shame in being a wallflower, unlike how society makes us feel bad for being one. It shows that we have to define our life on our terms to live as we want. Personality is a gift and a unique one bestowed on all of us. There is no perfect personality trait and hence, in the end, there is no absolute good or bad personality. We have to figure out how we want to be.
So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be.” — Stephen Chbisky (The Perks of Being a Wallflower)