A few weeks ago on call with my father, I found myself telling him, “Oh, nothing much, Mother Nature is here.” This was after I told him my stomach was hurting, and he asked me, what’s wrong? He told me to take care and then quickly gave the phone to my mother. This happens almost every month, we have code words like ‘mother nature’ for our menstrual cycle.
I got my first period after my grade 7 final exams. I had planned to go to a friend’s place directly from school and then go to the mall. I was with seven of my girlfriends and we were all laughing around. While I was oblivious, my friend pointed out I had a stain. It should be noted, at the age of thirteen, when I got my first period, I had no idea what they were. I didn’t know what a stain was.
I was so mortified when my friend pointed out the blood patch on my skirt; without even thinking, I blurred out, “Oh, I had a nose bleed this morning and wiped my nose with my white skirt, so that’s why the blood stain.” My friends laughed a little but then they called my friend’s mother. Aunty explained to me what had happened, she told me I had gotten my period and this was very normal.
All my friends said they had already started theirs a few months back. My friends had been talking about something in very hush-hush tone for some time. Every time I asked them, they wouldn’t tell me because they feared I would go tell my father or talk to him about it, as I have always been very close to my father.
My friend’s mother helped me with the sanitary napkin, and then she called my mother. She congratulated my mother, as her daughter was now ‘grown up’. After the whole adrenaline of the situation, I carried on going to the mall with my friends and had a great time. In the evening when my mother picked me up, she didn’t say anything about me starting my menstruating cycle; she went to the chemist, bought a packet of sanitary napkins and told me where she kept them in the house. The sanitary napkins were neatly wrapped in newspaper and put in black polythene.
My mother is a teacher and she never taught me about menstruation; she never spoke about it. I was not prepared for my first period and the same thing happened with my younger sister. My mother never prepared her, and so when my younger sister got her first period, she ended up crying for hours. Even today, my mother is not comfortable talking about menstruation. Terrible cramps come with the line, “mother nature is here.”
Up until recently, I didn’t think about this. But as part of my work with Katkari tribe of Raigad, I had to talk about menstruation. I wanted to understand the menstrual habits of women in a SHG (Self Help Group). It took me three months to bring up the topic of menstruation, I was not sure when was the right time and I always thought, the women won’t be comfortable and they might not like talking about it. Then it occurred to me, maybe I’m not comfortable talking about it. I had no one to talk to me about menstruation, except that lousy grade 8 chapter.
Why Do We Not Talk About Menstruation Openly, Why Is It A Taboo?
When I checked with the Sister at our partner organization that I wanted to talk about menstrual habits with the SHG women, she was hesitant and also told me, the women would be shy and won’t want to talk about certain things. My other concern was that I normally get time to have conversations with the SHG when they are doing the livelihood activities, which is making pickle, papad, ladoo, etc.
Periods have often been known as something which is not pure; it is often synonymous to dirty in a lot of societies, which is why, subconsciously, I was scared to bring the topic up, especially when the women were preparing food items. After having a conversation with my fellowship program team mentor, Swati, I decided to just have the conversation about menstruation with the SHG.
I started by telling them about my purpose, which they were now well aware of. I said I wanted to talk about Paali (Marathi word for period). The women giggled a little, but they didn’t say anything. I asked them what product they used during their menstrual cycle. Only two women told me they used cloth pad, which they made at home; and they spoke on behalf of everyone. Everyone used cloth pads, which were made at home. They were aware of sanitary napkins sold in the markets, but had never used them.
I also asked about the changing and cleaning habits of the cloth pads. They washed their pads but it was not done at home, and the cloth pads were put for drying far from their homes and people’s eyes. I also pushed on the changing habits. Baby Tai started to say she changed her cloth pad once a day, but Vimal Tai interrupted and said they changed it thrice.
When I inquired about any infections or problems they faced due to the cloth pads; all the women assured me that they were very comfortable using the cloth pad and hadn’t faced any infections. The only problem they mentioned was staining; their saris often got stains and that was their only issue with using cloth pads.
I was not sure if I should tell them to change to sanitary napkins immediately; they had been using cloth pads for years and they were comfortable with them. I was also reminded of a few months back when I had the shift from sanitary pads to the menstrual cup; how difficult it was for me. Even though I eventually started loving my menstrual cup and would never go back to sanitary pads, the initial shift was very hard and it took my friends months of convincing to make the shift.
I asked the SHG if they were open to change to something that would be more convenient for them now that they spent long hours working on livelihood activities. The women were open to the idea.
I don’t want to introduce them to just sanitary napkins; I plan to give them a variety of options and let them make the choice for themselves. Whatever works for them best should be the product they should use during their menstrual cycle. I still have a very long way to go and a lot of period conversation to have with the SHG; but I’m glad I got out of the period taboo and had the first talk. Also next time, my father asks me what’s wrong when I’m cramping; I’m telling him his daughter is on her period. It is time mother nature takes some rest.
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About The Author: Janhvi Krishnatrey is a 2019 India Fellow, placed with Centre For Social Action (CSA) in Raigad, Maharashtra as part of her fellowship. She is working with women groups to assess their Sanitation and Hygiene needs and train them on required behaviour change practices.