The lockdown over the past year was amazing in terms of my love life. It came with that feeling when you are longing for something and you suddenly get it one morning. It has been a beautiful phase of my life that I will never ever forget. It sounds so stupid, so stupid, but as they say, “Love is stupid”. The pandemic has brought in my life what a year and half of stalking someone’s social media handles couldn’t.
S (as I call him) was my neighbour, my crush. I badly wanted to talk to him at least once in my life. He sent me friend requests many a times, but I don’t know what always stopped me from accepting them. When I came back to my hometown during the Holi vacations last year in March, he was also there, as he lives with his parents in Agra, and here with his siblings.
And, an eye-contact changed everything. That 10-second eye-contact, and I was in love. It was the kind of eye contact that happens in movies. I had decided to talk to him then, but I couldn’t control myself anymore. On March 19, 2020, he had gone back to Agra. I had accepted his request, but both of us were too shy to start a conversation. He sent me a meme and I replied with a laughing emoji. And that was the end of the conversation. The began the game of putting stories on Instagram just to get a reply. Still, nothing happened. This went on for two more days.
On March 22, when the Janata Curfew was announced, we talked the entire day. It was awesome. Since that day, we started talking and sharing everything with each other. Soon after, he surprised me by telling me that I was his crush. And, how he had gone to his school friend to ask my name and my relationship status. That friend happens to be my long-distant cousin.
My cousin refused to tell my name, but he and his friend threatened him and he gave in. It was so funny. Even his ex-girlfriend knew me. I, too, told him that I also like him very much. One day, he planned a video call. I agreed to it after showing some “nakhre”. After that, it all became about calls and video calls from morning till late night.
On May 13, when we were talking late at night, he suddenly said, “I love you”. Although I was on cloud nine, I demanded some more time to think. Ten days later, on May 23, it was my birthday. He wanted to wish me “sabse pehle,” but my younger brother came and wished me. Then my friends started calling me one after the other. Five minutes later, he wished me over a video call. The biggest surprise was that he had baked a cake for me. Seeing him cut a cake on my behalf was awesome.
However, five days after my birthday, my grandfather passed away. S looked after me even then. On June 2, it was S’s birthday. I couldn’t do anything special for him, not even say those those magical words. Then came the worst part. After some days, a misunderstanding occurred between the two of us over a guy, and he left, without giving me any reason because his best friend had asked him to stay away from me.
He tried to sort things out once, but his best friend stopped him once again from doing so. Since our separation, he has come back here twice. He is still here. During this period, he also lost his father to Covid-19. It’s been eight months and I still have no reason to forget him or hate him. I wish I could tell him today on Valentine’s Day how much I love him. I want to make him remember how we had planned our first date. I wish I could say, “Mainu chadeya tera pyaar jiven nasha wine da (I’m drunk in your love).”
I have decided a 1,000 times not to wait for him, but this hope that he will come back doesn’t die. It is so painful to see a stranger turning into a lover, and then a stranger again.
Thank you so much, YKA, for giving me this chance to relive all those moments once again.